Rain crept into southern California dragging in cold winds and poor road conditions, ideal for traffic problems. It remained with us for about two weeks incarcerating my friend Bob in his humble abode, a pseudo-craftsmen residency, twenty four hours a day. His driveway was turned to muck and sludge, forcing him to remain interned in his roost. His only lifeline to the outside world was the computer and telephone to call friends and acquaintances. Robert called me to grumble about the rain and cold, his voice agitated, " I hate this! I can't get my newspaper or do my morning walking to the doughnut shop. What am I to do? " I listened... commiserating with him. After a while he said goodbye and excused himself to boil some water for his te de manzanilla, chamomile tea. It's supposed to be great for his morning constitution.
The following day Jorge called informing me that he had just spoken to Bob and that he was going Kafkaesque with cabin fever. But if the next day was sunny, I was invited to accompany them to Temecula. Apparently Bob is very familiar with all the wineries. He considers himself to be a faux sommelier. Additionally, being the ladies man, he frequently gallivanted the wine country in search of romantic settings. He also knew a number of cheese tasting establishments. "We just need to get Bobby out in the fresh air and sunlight," Jorge reiterated.
That next day, the weather forecast promised a beautiful sunny California day. Jorge was at my door step promptly at 8:30 am and we headed out towards San Jacinto where we would rendezvous with our friend, Bob. He arrived a short time later with a handful of maps, driving directions and a klatch of wine coupons. He was in excellent spirits and raring to get going. After the usual hellos and hugs, Jorge bellowed, " You don't need all that chingadera. I live here. I know where were going!" He added, " Why did you bring all those stinking coupons. Don't be a tightwad, It's embarrassing..." Bob, obviously shocked at this unanticipated treatment answered, " Hey cabron!, I'm driving here! I have my route all planned out. If you don't want coupons, don't take them. " After that hyper-excited exchange, I cautiously chose the back seat to behold the two A-type personalities in the front. There in nothing more comical than two old, bald, retired Alpha-males trying to be the pack leader. As soon as we got to the first turn, another vociferous exchange began. Each one wanted to take a different route to get to the same place. Jorge growled "I told you I know this area better than you, I live here! How can you tell me which way is better". Bob replied, "I been to Temecula many times, I have the maps, I'm driving and it's my car!" Jorge shouted "Oh yeah well this is the last time you get to drive" This type of dickering continued for at least 25 minutes. Being the youngest, brightest, healthiest and most handsome of the group, I felt compelled to intervene. I needed to restore order and calm them down. I was concerned because they were now shouting at each other: their eyeballs protruding from their eyes sockets, face crimson red, the blood vessels on their forehead swelled and vascular bundles in their necks throbbed as if on the verge of coronary thrombosis. I politely asked them to stop. when that didn't work, I chastised them into submission. "Look at yourselves! you are on the onset of a grand mal seizure". I ordered them to drink some water, gave each few ice cubes to cool their foreheads, directed them to take deep breaths and shake hands. I decided that we would take Bob's maps and follow them since it was his trip. Jorge muttering under his breath, reluctantly agreed. The rest of the drive was wonderful, quiet and peaceful... at least for a while.
Stay tuned for "Cheese and Wine Tasting - Part Deux"
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